Summary
Using The Glory as a fictional illustration, the writer explores empathy, attention to painful expressions, and self-enhancement while distinguishing ordinary narcissism from NPD.
At a glance
The writer links extreme self-focus with overlooking others’ suffering through reported differences in empathy, reduced attention to painful expressions, and a possible psychoanalytic explanation involving self-enhancement. Ordinary narcissism does not necessarily mean narcissistic personality disorder, and the reported student comparison does not establish clinical NPD diagnoses. The application to The Glory and the explanations involving emotional regulation remain the writer’s interpretations.
Can someone put themselves so completely first that another person’s pain barely registers? In The Glory, the woman who ruined the female protagonist’s life insists that her victim should thank her: she was the one who gave her motivation. She claims credit rather than accepting responsibility for the harm she caused.
When her husband discovers her infidelity, she reverses responsibility again. She declares herself the disappointed one and blames him for insisting on exposing the secret and destroying everything. In her telling, the fault lies with the person who uncovered her betrayal.
The writer examining these scenes contrasts her response with the familiar habit of searching oneself for faults whenever something goes wrong. Even under intense psychological pressure, even when falling apart inside, this character dismisses others with an attitude of “Who do you think you are?” How can she turn blame outward so readily while others become consumed by self-questioning? What allows her to protect herself from that internal conflict while giving so little weight to anyone else’s suffering?
The writer’s explanation begins with the ordinary protective role of psychological defenses. Everyone has them: they help preserve psychological independence and resist negative outside influences. The proposed problem arises when those defenses become increasingly extreme. Excessive self-regard, intense self-focus and self-admiration, behavior devoted exclusively to one’s own interests, and disregard for others’ suffering may, in this account, develop into narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Calling someone “narcissistic” in everyday conversation does not necessarily mean they have NPD. Both descriptions can involve putting one’s own needs and goals ahead of other people’s and having an inflated sense of self. Yet the writer distinguishes moderate narcissism as a normal psychological phenomenon connected to self-protection. Under extreme circumstances, securing one’s interests may require attending to one’s own needs first, providing basic support for survival and development. The writer also offers an evolutionary explanation for this tendency, tracing it to natural selection and its proposed benefits for survival and reproduction.
A hierarchical model of narcissism from psychodynamic thought develops this distinction further. As the writer describes it, people generally exhibit varying degrees of ordinary narcissism, also called general-population narcissism. The account distinguishes this from pathological narcissism, which it identifies with NPD and describes as usually involving dysfunction in self-regulation, emotion regulation, and interpersonal relationships. One way to explore those difficulties is to examine responses to someone else’s pain.
One study described by the writer selected high- and low-narcissism groups from a pool of 611 students. Participants watched videos depicting real experiences of physical pain, such as a toe injury or an accidental finger cut, and social pain, such as losing a dearly loved father or being ignored by a best friend. They were asked to report the emotions of the people in the videos and how much pain those people were experiencing.
The study reportedly found that the high-narcissism group scored lower than the low-narcissism group on both emotional empathy and empathic accuracy, across both types of pain. The writer interprets this pattern as weaker emotional resonance and sympathy in response to other people’s feelings.
That interpretation also informs the writer’s reading of the woman in The Glory. Deficient emotional resonance is offered as an explanation for why confronting the suffering caused by her school abuse and violent killing does not lead her to recognize her wrongdoing or change her ways. This application to the fictional character remains the writer’s interpretation, separate from the study’s findings.
The discussion of attention to others’ pain introduces a further distinction. The writer describes overt and covert narcissism as two subtypes of NPD. The overt presentation, associated here with the woman in The Glory, tends to involve displays of confidence and superiority, a strong desire to control others, and a pursuit of attention and admiration. It can also involve displays of leadership and authority.
Covert narcissism may look quite different. A person may be more sensitive and introverted, holding unrealistic fantasies about their abilities or achievements without expressing them publicly. Beneath these contrasting presentations, the writer identifies a shared core: unrealistic expectations about self-worth, a questioning or suspicious stance toward others, and strong rejection of anything that threatens self-esteem.
A separate study described in this account examined the relationship between covert narcissism and empathy for pain, considering visual attention as a possible mediator. It reportedly found that higher covert narcissism predicted lower empathy for pain, with reduced attention to faces expressing pain mediating that relationship. Specifically, people with higher covert narcissism spent less time looking at the eye region of those faces.
The writer extends this finding into an explanation: paying less attention to others’ painful expressions may reduce empathy for their suffering, helping people with high covert narcissism regulate their own emotions while satisfying needs for self-admiration and self-focus. From this interpretation comes the broader conclusion that people with NPD can readily overlook others’ suffering.
Another possible explanation concerns how other people are valued. It comes from psychoanalysis, specifically the self psychology associated with Heinz Kohut. In this theoretical account, when someone treats other people as tools for feeling better about themselves, those people function as “self-objects”: they are valued for what they contribute to the self, rather than encountered as persons in their own right.
Applying this idea to NPD, the writer describes a pattern of idealization and devaluation. People who satisfy a person’s need for self-enhancement are idealized as flawless and admirable. Those who fail to meet that need, or who might pose a threat, are dismissed as worthless or defective. Manipulating or exploiting others then serves to maintain or increase self-esteem.
The writer sees this pattern as a substantial part of the explanation for deficient empathy in relationships. Devaluing others, exaggerating one’s own importance, and consistently placing one’s needs above theirs leave little room for their feelings to matter. In this reading, a self-first worldview allows love of oneself to take precedence over concern for anyone else’s pain. Such excessive self-centeredness and disregard for others’ feelings often leave friends, partners, and family members distressed and uneasy.
For someone with a friend who has NPD, the writer’s advice allows room for admiration, compassion, and understanding. You can feel all of these while letting go of the urge to rescue or fix your friend. Establish healthy boundaries and protect yourself.
Frequently asked questions
Does calling someone narcissistic mean they have NPD?
No. The writer distinguishes moderate narcissism as a normal psychological phenomenon connected to self-protection. Everyday descriptions of narcissism do not necessarily mean someone has NPD.
What did the reported student study find?
The study selected high- and low-narcissism groups from a pool of 611 students. It reportedly found lower emotional empathy and empathic accuracy in the high-narcissism group for both physical and social pain. The supplied account does not establish clinical NPD diagnoses among those participants.
How does the article connect covert narcissism with attention to pain?
A separate reported study linked higher covert narcissism with lower empathy for pain, with reduced attention to painful faces mediating the relationship, particularly shorter attention to the eyes. The explanation involving emotional regulation and self-admiration is the writer’s interpretation.
What advice does the writer offer about a friend with NPD?
The writer allows room for admiration, compassion, and understanding while advising readers to let go of the urge to rescue or fix their friend, establish healthy boundaries, and protect themselves.
